Thursday, December 18, 2008
June 25th 2006
Maybe this is what I am. Always "up in arms" about the injustices of the world. Never one to sit idly by and let myself or anyone else be taken advantage of. Hating politicians who I used to admire. So disgusted with the state of things in my country that I could ex-patriate. Resentful every time I go to the gas pump. More resentful every time the dow plunges and interest rates climb.
I am despondent, I am becoming lazy. The laziness, I am sure stems from having learned that I have little to no ablilty to affect change in those areas I am so miserable over. 2/3 of the world is living in poverty and sickness yet pharmaceutical companies report record earnings each year. The elderly lady in the apartment next door may outlive her funds.
LA is flooding the coast with birth control laden toilet water, sterilizing fish. Reefs are dying and Japan is finning almost a million sharks (for fucking soup) every year. Tigers( endangered by the way) are killed so some stupid, misguided, idiots in Asia can eat tiger balls instead of just taking viagra.We keep flying young men and women home from Iraq in boxes to families that never agreed with our invasion in the first place.
So am I, malcontent I mean? Is it me or the world? Am I a negative person or is the state of things so bad I can't help my cynicism? Maybe it's that even though things are wonderful for me I am constantly reminded of what life is for the rest of the world and I can't help but feel guilty. Why should I have so much when they have so little? I have earned all that I have but are they not worthy of the same? At least some of them?
Maybe it's because it's cloudy today or maybe it's because I am self-defeating in my attitudes but despite how great things have been for me lately I am unhappy. I don't know what I want. To be alone or have someone to share my life? Maybe a fling to pass the time? Nah, not my style! To take a break from it all? Nah, I need to work! I just wish I could find that space in my head that I had as a child before I became jaded. You know the one...where all things are possible, world peace is around the corner, and we will all have our own hovercraft and robot friend/butler in 5 years.